I started taking the Trazodone 2 weeks ago. Much later than I should have. Weighing in right now, the doc said it could take anywhere from 2 weeks to a month to feel them working.
I can tell my quality of sleep has improved. I was supposed to stop drinking while taking the meds. And I have fudged twice on that. The first time I had 2 beers, the second time… well I lost count. It was a few beers and shots.
I assumed some of my behaviors were due to depression. I read that certain behaviors can be attributed to depression.
If anything the meds are assisting me in not feeling as volatile regarding my situation. On the other hand, I think they are also helping me not stress out about things I probably should worry about.
Maybe the meds are working, maybe I truly am a beast of a human. Maybe I am an uncaring jerk. I don’t feel as torn. I don’t feel guilty. I don’t feel bad.
The last time I took antidepressants, I didn’t feel at all. I am feeling right now. Though I wouldn’t call my feelings positive, they are definitely not unbearable and crushing.
I have a feeling of freedom I have not felt in a long time. There is a little demon living inside of me, taunting me, encouraging bad behaviors. That little monster doesn’t scare me right now.
I am worried that I should be afraid but I am not. I am a little worried that I can look within, see my demon and smile back at it. It’s quite the devilish grin that is smiling back at the demon inside.
I probably should be scared.