Changes

First and foremost, Andy has announced he has started puberty.  It was an abrupt revelation which we kinda figured it was getting about that time.  He turns 13 in August, my nephew that is the same age already has his voice changing.  After a few months of battling the lying and stealing it looks like Andy’s behavior is improving.  Our exchange student mentioned before that Andy reminds him of his older brother.  He says that as his brother aged and matured some of the “behaviors” died down.  That is not to say Andy has matured over night, far from it.  But he has become more open with us which is good.  He confessed to us that he has no friends.  We kinda gathered as much…

During the lying/stealing phase we worked hard at trying to find Andy help.  We assumed that maybe he needed counseling again.  We tried it before and it wasn’t working for him, he just had no interest in talking or working with anyone aside from his favorite answer to all questions, “I don’t know.”  It’s still his favorite thing to say but we actually got him in to see a doc and he is being reassessed.  It’s about time too since his diagnosis was from when he was 4 and lived with his mother.  A lot of a diagnoses for a 4 year old depends on what parents report.  It’s high time we have him reassessed because aren’t going to lie regarding his behaviors and he is old enough to answer questions on his own.

Speaking of the mother, I think she is finally realizing that she needs to let go.  Since we have had Andy both Joey and I have gone on trips abroad.  Not together and definitely not as a family.  Andy has no passport.  His mother has been quite the shit in regards to that until recently.  I don’t know what Joey said to her or what Andy may have said but it’s a good thing she has finally realized that she needs to help us help him.  Right now he is in the position to go on trips abroad because we can afford to do so.  His mother does not have the means, money or motivation to take Andy places.  And who knows maybe now is the only time in his life he will have the freedom to travel abroad.  She finally gave in and signed the forms for us to get his passport issued.

As for myself, I am still depressed about my aunt.  I thought I was working through it okay but I had to take a good hard look at myself.  I am not ok.  Being prepared is nothing because you still have to go through the grieving process.  I am sad to say that in my time of need for comfort from friends I did not get it.  I know everyone has their own life to live but if your friends do not have concern for your well-being, who does?  Joey has been there for me and luckily this depression has really made our relationship stronger.  But it has left an empty feeling; a hurt in my heart from the people I used to consider good friends.  People who I was there for in their time of need, just turn their back when I have need.  My aunt always said, “Friends are good for nothing.”  I still don’t think there is truth in that statement but the fact that I am hurting because of friends really stings especially since she passed.  Maybe I am finally learning the lesson she did in her youth that sometimes pain come come from the least expected people.  Maybe she wanted to keep me from the same pain.

So I have changed up the way I view life.  I am not going to be bitter like my aunt and say that friends are good for nothing.  If anything, they taught me a lesson.  Not everyone you count as your friend is truly a friend.  During hard times not everyone is willing to reciprocate when support is needed.  Sometimes people only want to be around for the fun times and when it’s any other time; they have no time.  This has helped me rethink my time.  What is valuable to me?  What do I want to do with my precious time?  How do I want to spend my days?  I want to spend them doing what my aunt said; no, not the friend part, the part where she said to live life to the fullest.  That being said I have some plans hammered out for the future.

My mom retires next year, I want to take her on another vacation (I’m thinking Cancun for a week).  I want to take my uncle along this time so he can enjoy “having the kids foot the bill” for a change.  We are planning on taking Andy to Disneyland for the first time, before the magic dies down and he becomes a jaded, know-it-all-teen.  I want to visit the Maldives with my husband.  We never had the chance to have a honeymoon and I think it’s time we took some time together.  My sister and I are still planning on our trip to Australia/New Zealand/Fiji but we both are focused on giving mom and my uncle a good time while they can still enjoy it.  Even if it means we don’t get our trip in 2017.  We have plenty of time for adventures still.  I am also hoping to pay more attention to my other blog.  I have so many adventures to write about and share, I need to pull myself out of my slump.

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2 thoughts on “Changes

  1. Sounds like you’re pulling yourself out of that slump.

    Though I would word it differently than your aunt did, I do feel that one should never count on one’s friends for anything. The feeling that we need people to be there for us is a signal that tells us we have given far too much energy to the fictional world we’ve created for ourselves. I know that sounds crass, especially to the suffering, but if I’ve learned anything about myself, or people in general, self love and self confidence, if kept constant, are the only things that prop us up and steel us against the destructive tide of aging and unfortunate circumstances.

    • I will admit this situation has been useful in my personal growth. Maybe I was trying to fill a void with friends that didn’t really need to be filled. Life is strange and I appreciate being able to learn from it, even if the lessons are a little hard. Focusing my energy elsewhere has already helped me feel better and lighter quite frankly. Looking back, there were a lot of things I was doing out of obligation than actual want or need. So much energy and time wasted.

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