A house divided against itself cannot stand”
I suppose you can attribute that one to Lincoln or Mark depending on what your persuasion is.

All of this cancer stuff has really started to take a toll on my family.  And it has caused a division among us all.  And I am kind of tired of it all.

I don’t want to stay away from my family but I have found myself “busy” more often than not these days.  Yeah, I am in the midst of planning my vacation later this year.  But I am actually avoiding going to my mom’s house.  It’s not intentional but I noticed it has been well over two weeks.

I am kind of tired of hearing all the fighting, side taking and people just talking with out taking action.

This coming weekend my sister and I are taking my other sister, mom and aunt to a Motown the Musical down at the Pantages.  I love hanging out with my sisters, my mom and aunt but I really hate the prospect of small talk to avoid the elephant in the room.

And I don’t want it to turn into a several hour drive to and from filled with shop talk.  I would much prefer silence than whining about work or small talk.  Am I being mean?  Probably.

I just want life to go back to the way it was.  I want my sandbox to put my head in.

Invariably the conversation will turn back to the “Negative Nancy” and her drama.  Maybe I will just zone out, drive and not contribute to any of the conversations at all.  I am gonna come off as a jerk.

I can’t fake it, I am tired and unwilling to fake it.

Eh who am I kidding, I am gonna sit there, fake it and have small talk.  I’m the queen of fake happy, I already know.  It’s just so tiring and I just want to be elbow deep in clay, hiking or in my pyjamas watching a K-Drama.

At this moment in life my HUGE family, which is small by demographic standards is smothering me.


6 thoughts on “Division

  1. Pantages is AWESOME!! I might go see Phantom of the Opera there in June. How was the show that you all went to?

    Families being divided is an issue that I keep hearing about more and more these days. I was listening to a financial show on the radio a few weeks ago and the host said most of the issues stem from the person dying not being vocal enough with the beneficiaries and letting everybody know beforehand what they will be getting.

    Unfortunately, your family might not go back to how it was, but you might come out of this with a better relationship with the people that didn’t cause any hassle. Hope everything works out well for you.

    • I’ve never seen it, if you go let me know what day. I might take a drive down to join you. The show is actually tomorrow, I will let you know when we get back.

      It seems that my family will not go back to how it was. But I had words with the ‘moocher’ and so did my brother. Apparently she now knows where she stands with us and ‘says’ she will be moving out soon. We shall see how much truth there is to that. Right now she is busy trying to blame my aunt’s cancer on what’s wrong with our family. Well, the cancer doesn’t have to do anything with the fact that thieving and lying is NOT ok.

  2. Not being close with my family, I have no idea what you’re going through, but I think you’ve got the right idea about being wrapped up in your hobbies and using them as a security blanket; I’ve done that most of my life. Physical activity, more than anything else, has always had wonderful acute effects on my moods.

    • Currently Sunday is my favorite day. I have my longest run that day and for hours after I have a much needed sense of calm.
      As for my blanket, I have always used it to keep me alienated from both my family and feelings. It has its pros and cons.

    • I told my aunt very plainly that there is nothing I desire or need other than what she has already given me; her time.
      I hope to spend more time with her and that is all I really want. I don’t care for material goods; oddly enough I still don’t want little Miss. Greedy Sticky Fingers taking what she wants from my family. More for sentimental reasons than anything else.

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